The Simp Manifesto

“Marx and Engels focused too much on the social class war between the Proletariat and Bourgeoisie–Instead, unfathomably left behind the 21st century social class crisis: the uprising of the Simps.”

–Brandon M. Suffel


Let’s hear a warm welcome for those who’ve just joined the club. The simp club,–to be exact. And what have Marx and Engels gotten wrong this time? Those two old senile, economic liberating lusters… For Marx and Engels both have never experienced the gruesome task of finding love in their time. So what if they tried today? Especially with all the new and savvy technology available to us, it must be easier for them to fill a void they’d never opened up to us.

Part I

The night was already late, it was one of those winter nights where you weren’t so sure if it was cold or not, since it was above 30 degrees outside and it wasn’t snowing but you knew the ground was cold and the air still stung a pair of freshly shaved cheeks. I still hadn’t taken one step outside, albeit I was afraid of what the egregious horror show the world had to offer. A recluse I am! But fortunately, two good friends of mine are stopping by for a night of drink.

And there I was, all cooped up inside on this very vague night. Soon Marx and Engels would arrive to help me write a paper on them, that of which was too boring and awfully challenging and flawed, I’d argue too many Communist ideals for me. I couldn’t and wouldn’t accept any of it, no way.
“Admire the Proletariat class and their struggles!”–touted Engels.
And Marx would constantly say, “abolish bourgeoisie property and return it to the working class!”

After this much exercise, I had nothing more but disregard for the paper and soon fell into a bucket of despair due to a lack of any progress being made in such a short period of time. Then there’s Marx and Engels who, already hyped up on lots of gin and not enough soda, had nothing more to offer. Maybe I should stay sober tonight because of a test I have in the morning. I know that if I drink too much my words just won’t flow how I like them too. I figure, if I’m going to drink tonight, the overall competition would be about who could out drink who; and though I have my own doubts in my drinking abilities, it would be boorish to attempt at beating any man with a personal vendetta for 21st century capitalist scum–and here I am, a capitalist scum faced off against two vindictive German ferrets.

“Are we making any progress,” asked Engels, who came across sullen; though always interested in my progress.
“Yes,” I lied.
“Good, you should join us for a drink soon, look at Marx over there having a great time. I have never seen him this, jubilant.” said Engels.

Yes, albeit if only he knew how his fight for class struggle against the capital hungry imperialists would inevitably fail. Only then, would a stricken uprising of the great American dream and an expansion of the top 1%, would indubitably flood the dreams at night of all young boys and girls because of Gamestop and Dogecoin.

I looked down at my phone and saw a notification from Tinder. I tend to ponder the app and find myself scrolling for nothing but attention, or the hope of meeting someone and never needing to use the app ever again.

Suddenly, an epiphany jarred my swiping. Why not get these two, half-drunk, 19th century born, imbeciles on the most favored dating app? Either I was mixing up a recipe for disaster, or I would be saving this recipe for future Stuart generations to come…
I called over the two, “Hey Marx, Engels, get over here.”
“Just hold on a second Thomosin, the Jets are getting clobbered and the commercial with John Travolta just turned on,” said Marx, who was distracted like a bratty child.
“What’s the plan Thomosin?” Engels asked, with slight innocence in his voice.

Though I was still eager about the prompt of an idea this corrosive, what could possibly happen? Could either of them lose their cool and go out of control from frustration, or was I going to lose either of them to a booty call? I hope it’s the second fluster.

As my own aspirations loomed towards hell, I was hopeful the both of them could score–and if they could–I could score too. I handed Marx my phone and gave him the green light. I gave Engels an opportunity to watch from afar; even though I trusted him the most.
“Are you ready?” I asked.
“Yes,” said Marx.
“Alright, all I want you to do is make an account, swipe right on what you like, and left on what you don’t. Have fun.”
“Got it. You’re on,” said Marx–and soon the first shot was fired, the horses had left their stables, and the infamous simp race was off to a start.

Part II

coming soon…

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Breaking Away

Who are the cutters?

I’ve seen Breaking Away so many times now I’ve memorized almost every line in the movie. I can’t begin to describe how entertaining Cyril’s wit is to ease tensions between the group of lost boys. After the third time of watching the movie, I began to realize how the “cutter” group resonated with my friend group. Almost all of us were lost within ourselves at a point-in-time in our lives, not knowing whether college was realistic. Or knowing if starting a job back home and cutting school altogether was the better choice. Many years passed since our adolescence when these decisions weighed on us. In the end, we all figured out our path & continued to reach new fathomable experiences in which changed us for the better, as if every piece of life, no matter the circumstance, is efficient for the puzzle to fit all together.

It wasn’t until my friend Ollie Lecter, the music maker, asked me, “so why are they called the ‘cutters’?” At first, the easy answer to his question was: “because they cut school and did their own thing.” However, I pondered his question with due diligence. So why are they called the cutters? After significant thought, I realized their name derives from their parents. Dave (the bike racer) and Cyril (the witty, easy goer) and Mike (the most lost with reality), and Moocher (the boy with no parents) all have fathers who cut the limestone. The same limestone derived from the quarry the gang of boys spent most of their time breaking away from reality & the real world. And that same limestone was used for the buildings at the University of Indiana. 

Life Lines: How Indiana limestone has connected my life | TBR News Media

The students at the University of Indiana (whom we can acclaim as the antagonists) give the ‘cutters’ their name. What the students don’t realize: if the cutters never existed, neither would their education. The University’s built on the backbone of those who abandoned their aspirations for further schooling. The ‘cutters’ chose to work right away to support their fulfilling lifestyle. Immediately, a new window of theory about this movie slid open & led me to ask, why are the boys so lost at a grasp from further expansion?

Why I love … the quarry in Breaking Away | Drama films | The Guardian

Dave comes from a single family with no siblings. Neither of Dave’s parents attended college. His father has worked his entire life, and his mother is a stay-at-home. Dave’s mom seems to be the most civil character in the movie, having no bias towards anyone. Instead, shifting her energy in consistent empathy with her husband’s and son’s hardships. Dave’s father is hard on his son since he’s worked his entire life and had no college education. Dave’s father’s aspirations for his son stem from an awakening on his goals in life, subconsciously wondering where his boy wants to go? He knows that Dave can’t ride his bike forever and continuously bring home trophies; age will soon catch up and teach him a lesson.

Breaking Away (1979) 1/2 – Filmbobbery

Dave, on the other hand, has one goal in mind throughout the entirety of the movie. Dave wants to race with the Italians–that’s all he’s thought about since he first stepped on the peddles. There’s also another misconception about David, his desire to love others. Dave faces constant berating back home from his father. I figure there’s a void he’s trying to fill within the realm of love, even when he meets the sorority girl & takes her out. However, Dave’s never believed in himself, frankly. Instead, playing another role the entire time as someone else (the Italian). I wonder if that’s his defense mechanism, in hopes those who he has strong feelings for never figure out who he is: merely a cutter.

Bike-In Movie: Breaking Away - Santa Barbara Bicycle Coalition

Cyril is similar to David; however, his relationship with his father seems to be more civilized. When David asks about what Cyril wants to do & if the college entrance exam is realistic, Cyril explains that his father (who’s more understanding of his failures) accepts him regardless, like when he lost his basketball scholarship, which led him to give up on school altogether. And the idea of taking a college exam to Cyril was not entirely about passing. Cyril merely wanted to fail to show his father that at least he tried, full-well knowing his pop wouldn’t be disappointed, and if anything, laughs it off altogether. Cyrils attitude derives from his relationship with his father and never having a sense of support when it comes to ‘failing’ something. Sure, we all fail once in a while. Failing is an imperative component of life. But instead of building up the determination to do better the next time, Cyril’s witty humor & laid back attitude set him back even further. Although he’s unsettled about the developments in the Middle-East, which was a world power issue in the 70s, he copes with humor rather than addressing what’s in front of him for what it is–and this goes with everything he faces. Cyril is the least most athletic in the group too. I learned this at the end of the movie at the final bike race. Inevitably answering the main reason why he didn’t get that basketball scholarship in the first place: he was too unathletic, and I assume his father must’ve forced him to play the sport in fear his boy wasn’t smart enough to get by with just good grades.

Breaking Away

Moocher seems to be the least lost character within the film. He is the shortest guy in the group with the biggest heart. Moocher never attempted to go to college. Instead, he follows his friends around while sheltering away his private life from the group. Nancy, his soon to be wife, is what’s keeping him away from the group. Because that’s a paramount commitment & he fears the gang will either abandon him for growing up or disparage him for such a substantial life-changing choice. Moocher even goes out of his way to look for work, and this wasn’t to impress his new wife but to show by example to the gang, it’s time they each go their way and grow up. Unfortunately, his tenure at the car wash doesn’t last more than one minute. After being called by his nickname: “shorty,” he smashed the time clock and waltzes away in grandeur. Throughout the movie, Moocher displays his most substantial reactions when addressed by his peers or the college students by “shorty.” Moocher’s insecurity stems from his image. His insecurities also derive from his lack of parental guidance. His parents never introduce themselves & we never know why his mom is missing in the first place. His father is currently living in Chicago, searching for work in a struggling economy & selling their house in Indiana (where Moocher lives all by himself). Moocher is neglected and only has his friends and now Nancy. With Nancy, maybe he’s filled that void of abandonment and can finally walk down his path confidently.

Breaking Away Don t Forget to Punch the Clock

Mike is the most lost out of the boys. He was once the high school quarterback & admired by everyone at school. When Mike left behind the grades and aspirations to go to school, it all went away from him–and without them, Mike begins to get lost within himself. Unfortunately, he starts to address his friends as losers, which I’d assume is because of his current state of insecurity. Mike loved his pedestal & the popularity that came, but now that it’s gone, Mike becomes an entirely different person. For starters, he hates home. Mike metaphorically sends a signal to the boys by changing his voice to someone from the south, playing a different character. Mike wants to escape from a reality he’s stuck-in, and move to the middle of nowhere so no one can bother him. In hopes, leaving him abandoned, angry and distressed. Mike’s brother still lives in town and watches over the boys as a Police officer. Mike never mentions his parents. And having a much older brother, who has the power to take away his only form of transportation. This is where we see the real Mike–with no parents and a brother who’s raised him his entire life. As athletic as Mike is, he’s only good in one arena, being the quarterback. And when he isn’t in his realm, he isn’t himself. The college student, who soon discovered their quarry, aggravates Mike and accepts Mike’s challenge to a swimming race. Unfortunately, Mike loses the race in his realm but not in his arena. After losing the race, Mike suffers a deep cut to the head. However, after being impaired, he continues on swimming & not giving up. The college student showed an expression of fear & astonishment, full-well knowing Mike has more than just anger within him, it’s the heart and determination to get what he wants, and that indubitably scares him.

Breaking Away - Mike - YouTube

All the boys are different; there’s no doubt about that. But what’s essential to know is that they are just like everyone else, if not better. Dave would soon go to college and meet a French exchange student. But we don’t know what happens to the rest of the characters after the race. I’d assume Cyril got a minimum wage job and continues to live at home. Moocher moves to Chicago with Nancy to live with his father and starts a family of his own. And Mike could’ve moved to the Dakotas to look for work or still lives in Bloomington with his brother. These boys are just figments of our imagination; after all, this is only a movie. But the message that lies within the film is that no one truly knows what they want to do with themselves. Life is a journey just like riding a bike along the road, or filling failure with humor, or growing strong to make up for your size, or breaking away from it all.

Wheel Life: 'Breaking Away' Live Read Coming Next Week, On Sale Now - Film  Independent

How to (actually) Achieve your New Years Resolution

By Btays
Contributing Writer
December 31, 2020

“Make it Happen”

Several practices that sound pleasant, in theory, are usually the most difficult to commit too. Working out, reading for at least 20 minutes a day, and quitting a detrimental habit are a few examples of the maxim easier said than done.
I presume that many of you have concocted life-altering 2021 new years resolutions in your head and envisioned accomplishing them. I also predict that half of you, unfortunately, will fail to achieve such arduous goals that you have conceived. Those who try to embrace a resolution for themselves tend to envision the victory and omit the inevitable laborious process, which comes before that glorious moment.
The once ambitious goal-setter, consequently, grows overwhelmed by the unforeseen challenge and quits his goals entirely. Success is not a linear line. There will be periods when temptation vigorously arises and seems too overwhelming to conquer.
The solution is to visualize these stressful times, fully prepared. Perceive these hardships as signs that the process is in full effect. Also, reiterate to yourself that your goal is a year’s worth of work. You should be in no rush to perfect your resolutions. With that in mind–acknowledging small victories is pivotal for your endeavor. Realizing your progress and healthily rewarding yourself will inspire you to keep moving forward. 2021 can only be your year if you check off the months one at a time.

Happy New Year,